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Here are the 7 most non-intrusive first date questions to ask men.

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Key goals of a first date are to (a) see if you have a connection, and (b) find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility. Why: Does the person have strong feelings or are they more easygoing and with milder feelings.

Dating is quite tricky, especially for heterosexual black women.

With the prevailing stereotypes of the “angry black woman,” many of us don’t like to be too forward or ask too many questions out of fear that they may seem pushy and turn a man off.

Childhood memories are funny things: They reveal a lot about the way you think about the world, and the way you looked at it from a young age. As long as you’ve got a couple years to cushion you from it, it can be a time that’s rich with funny stories and little observations. What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately? Eating that super-hot chili on the “Dare You” menu at the local diner? If you’re going out together, it’s fair to assume that you and your date are both in the dating game. For me, it would be my photo albums and my childhood stuffed animal, but their question will tell you what they could not bear to lose. The goal of dates is to have a good time and figure out if you want to see more of this person.

It’s a great way to learn a little bit more about their background and spark a discussion about the way you both grew up. You want to know where someone came from, but it can be a delicate subject. The way that someone saw themselves in high school when they were can say a lot about who they are. Maybe it’s hitting a time goal on a run or learning how to make pesto or finally getting the hang of something at work. If reading is something you’re into, this is a good way of seeing what tastes you share and what interests your date. It’s a good way to take a peek into their ambitions and dreams. It’s a weird one, and it helps to commiserate over it. Hopefully some of these questions will help you on your way.

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